It's Getting Hot

My sister sent me a text.

This is where memory comes in handy and mine’s failing me right now…was mom and dad’s cable account connected to mine? Or did you handle it?

Our parents had recently passed away. She was attempting to discontinue their tv cable services, but the cable company was telling her they were going to disconnect her home account, not our dearly departed parent’s account.

Wait. What????

Her brain froze, and she wasn’t even enjoying a strawberry slushy.

Other brain freeze possibilities; dealing with a cable company that set the security bar to access accounts higher than a visit to the President at the White House.

No. Scratch that. That’s not right. Visiting the White House would be much easier.

Or, maybe it was due to the National Basketball Association being in the middle of playing finals. At the back of her mind was a vision of her husband - an avid sports enthusiast, sitting down to watch a NBA game after a tough day at work. He picks up the remote. And, nothing. And instead of basketball, a live reality horror flick starts playing in real time, in the living room. Right?

Stress blocks thinking.

I sent her what I knew about the account and gave her a *texty pep talk. I certainly couldn’t talk to them.

You see, there was this one time long ago when the cable company wouldn’t let me make a minor change on my husband’s and my account. I was not authorized. I was just the spouse, not the account holder.

Frustrated and pushed to the edge - I exploded.

You know that ‘Federal No Fly’ list that exists for the United States? I’m pretty certain that there’s a ‘Bat Shit Crazy Screaming Person List’ for the cable company and that my name has a giant red asterisk next to it with the message; ‘Warning, Do Not Engage. This woman is crazy.’

I am still sheepish about it, thinking back. Ashamed of the sudden flare of angry emotion that boiled in me and erupted like a volcano, spewing out black hot lava.

After that incident, I wondered who the woman was who lost it that day. I questioned my character. Am I a bad person? Is this a pattern? The answer in both cases was no.

The behavior a deviation from my personality.

I am fallible. I make mistakes. But I knew I never wanted to lose it like that again. That day I wasn't equipped with the tools I needed to douse what was boiling up in me and keep it from exploding.

Enter self – reflection.

It didn’t feel like I had choices that day because I wasn’t thinking. I was unconsciously letting my frustration spiral out of control.

Now I have more wisdom. I make a effort to set things up for success, - especially when making phone calls requiring me to confirm details of my life that I didn’t even know.

I prep. I spread my life timeline out so that when I'm asked where I was living 25 years ago and the name of the neighbor’s cat. I flipping ace it.

And I breath, believing, - all will go well. If a roadblock appears, I’ll just turnaround and tackle things on another day.

So much learned from one explosion.

And why is it so hard to change account information on a cable account anyway?

Life. It’s yours. Go all in.

Have you ever blown your top over something that when you look back you wonder if that was really you?

* If you are wondering, ‘texty’ is not an actual word. I like the sound of it. If everyone keeps using it, it will become a word. Trust me on this.